It is with an ever-changing mixture of sadness and pleasure that I announce the death of my alter ego, David Thomas. David’s departure from my life has been prompted by the re-release of my now, hopefully, better edited autobiography, UNSETTLING.
When the book was first written I was fearful of a backlash from people to whom I am less than complimentary and others to whom I am deservedly offensive. I decided to hide behind a pseudonym and chose the names David and Thomas; they are the first names of my younger brother. Those of you that know me will understand why those names were chosen. I had to leave the name David Thomas on the cover because there has already been a fair amount of publicity, both on and offline and the name is now inextricably linked to the book.
As well as not using my own name in the first version, I also elected not to use the real names of family members. I have now put their real names back into the text. There are three reasons for doing this: firstly, my initial fear has now subsided and I no longer care if anyone dislikes me for what I have written; secondly, I wrote the book as both an explanation and an apology for my behaviour over the years. I wanted to show that I am not as cold and heartless a person as people might think; a point completely lost if I used a nom de plume and fictional family names. (I feel the need to point out that none of the content of the book is fiction.) The third reason is that after a very long absence, my self-confidence is gradually returning and my paranoia is melting away at a similar rate.
My overall mental health is much improved, so much so that my official diagnosis has been downgraded (for want of a better word) from bipolar disorder to cyclothymic. In using the word downgraded, I don’t want to give the impression that cyclothymia is some sort of cakewalk, trust me, it isn’t.
I attribute this slow but steady recovery to the fact that I have finally being able to properly follow a course of treatment, thus far for two full years, and counting. For the first time in decades I feel that I am in control, albeit a control that is propped by pills, but I’ll take that over the alternative any day.
So, David Thomas is finally laid to rest, in more ways than one, and the real me, Tony Lockhart, has said his piece and can now release himself from something that has had a grip on him for too many years; that of living in irrational fear of, and anger towards, everything and anything, and of being morbidly obsessed with the past and flatly refusing to accept that there might be a future. So, I’m back, who’s round is it?
If you’re still reading this, the book can be purchased from the publishers, Chipmunka, or from Amazon or one of the untold numbers of online bookshops. It is a print-on-demand book, so you won’t find it on the shelves of bricks & mortar bookshops, but you can order it from any of them – ISBN: #9781849913041. I keep a number of copies myself and would be happy to send you one once payment has been received. To contact me directly email me at tonylockhart at baythemoon dot com
If you do read the book, your comments, be they short, long, positive or not, are much appreciated and more important than you realise. They can be posted on the Amazon website, or on this blog.
